A Friday mystery: what's this thing doing in my park?

Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on here?

First up, I know.

With a headline like that, you’re expecting a six-part podcast that dives deep into a strange personal story that happened 23 years ago and has stayed with me ever since.

I get it. I’m sorry. This is not that.

It’s waaaaay dumber.

But it’s still a mystery that has wormed its way into my brain and won’t let go.

It happened because of you lot.

Last week, when we were all busy listing the things that helped us get through our week (I love this regular Friday instalment and we’re doing it again today), a reader called Eleanor said she’d been for a walk.

She’d seen some trees, and those trees had helped.

I liked that. I thought that maybe a walk amongst some trees could help me too. So, this week, I did exactly that.

I put on a podcast. I went to a park. There were bushes and trees. Rivers and grass. Shrubs and suchlike.

I was enjoying my walk, experiencing all that nature, getting back to basics.

Then I spotted something.

Way off the footpath, nestled in amongst a thick blanket of trees, in a spot where no one goes, I found this…

WTF?

I couldn’t get much closer to it, but I believe that thing right there is a solar panel.

There are no other solar panels nearby. No wires. No lights. No signs explaining why it’s there and what it might be doing.

No nothing.

Just a single solar panel, in the middle of an Auckland park, on its own in the bush, just hanging out and catching some rays.

What the hell?

I know it’s probably nothing at all. Yet I can’t stop thinking about it. Someone put it there. Someone did this.

Surely that screen has a job to do.

But what is it for?!?

It reminded me instantly of The Witness, a puzzling, troubling, maddening video game my family and I played every day to cope with all those Covid lockdowns.

It’s a mind-boggling brain-teaser in which you are stuck on an island full of screens and puzzles. There are clues and hints to solve those puzzles everywhere: even the way the birds sing or the way shadows fall mean something.

We were completely and utterly obsessed. It drove us to the edge of insanity. I’m talking forums. YouTube tutorials. Paper and pencil sketches. Waking up in the night to discuss potential solutions to the 600+ puzzles.

I’d tell you to play it but I don’t recommend doing so unless you’re ready for something to consume you.

Once you are done, even years later, you will be reminded of the Witness as you are going about your everyday life.

For those of you that haven’t played The Witness, it looks like this…

Hint: look at the trees.

Seem familiar?

I can’t help but put two and two together: is someone building their very own real-life version of The Witness in my local park?

I really hope so.

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What helped you get through the week?

Maybe that solar panel has latched onto my brain because it’s such a small thing.

So many big things are happening that seem out of my control. I can’t solve climate change. I can’t fix what’s happening in Gaza. I can’t work out Auckland’s transport chaos.

But, just maybe, with the help of you lot, I can solve the riddle of a weird solar panel in my local park. (Please send me your suggestions, even if they’re wildly wrong.)

Honestly, this week’s been pretty good. Life has seemed less out-of-control and a little more manageable than it has over the last few months.

I’ve been staying away from news sites and social media and spending time focusing on things a little closer to home.

That means making a good breakfast. Enjoying a bit of sun on my way to pick up my kids from school. Planting some tomatoes in time for summer.

Going for a walk.

Here are some other things that helped me cope with life over the past seven days…

• A wedding! I was lucky enough to be in Waihi Beach to see some close friends tie the knot. There’s something really special about a couple who’ve already done some hard yards together making that commitment. It was a lovely day with one big difference: only one single speech was allowed. It was from the groom. And it was special. He put so much thought and care into summing up their relationship. It really meant something. Here’s to weddings, then, with just one speech.

• Robyn Malcolm! She’s having an incredible year. First came her adorable role in Far North as a semi-retired aqua aerobics instructor who stumbles upon an international drug ring screwing up a meth importation. After the Party is even better, a complicated, knotty yarn about a community torn apart by an alleged sexual assault. It’s on TVNZ+ and it’s as good as everyone says it is. (My friends over at Rec Room published a great review about this.)

• Chocolate chip cookies! I found the secret to baking properly great cookies. Are you ready? Make your dough. Stir in your chocolate chips. Then put it all in the fridge for an hour. If it’s chilled, your cookies won’t spread out in the oven so fast when you bake them and you’ll end up with crunchy-on-the-outside chewy-on-the-inside deliciousness. Here’s the recipe I use. I recommend eating at least three of these a day.

• Erny Belle! I was sent an early stream for her second album Not Your Cupid and I’ve barely turned it off. It’s lush, heartfelt and gorgeous, and it’s out today. I’m stressed knowing no one is going to sit down with her and properly tell the story behind this incredible album. Belle deserves magazine covers and podcasts and awards (her publicist told me she’s doing bits and pieces but nothing super major and fitting for the level she’s at). For now, until someone does, you’ll have to go back and read her Spinoff profile from last year.

Okay, now it’s over to you. Don’t leave me hanging out here on my own. Please, tell me what’s helped you get through your week.

Whatever your bright spot is, send me a few words and let’s share some positivity.

It’ll make you feel better, promise :)

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Thanks for reading Boiler Room. I’m really looking forward to next week: I’ve banked up some interviews that I think you’ll enjoy. Please, consider supporting this newsletter by upgrading your subscription. Every little bit keeps this thing, and me, going. See you back here on Monday!