An x-rated Zoom call with The Suicide Squad cast
Yes, all of 20 of them were on my laptop screen at the same time...
It was supposed to be a serious chat about film-making - until John Cena's 'tighty-whities' took centre stage. At 5am on a Monday, I woke up early to meet the up-for-it cast and crew behind The Suicide Squad, via Zoom. That’s 20 famous faces staring back at me. It was chaos. It was mayhem. It was filthy. It was awesome. Let’s go…
Margot Robbie's devilish grin, one perfected across three big-budget movies playing the diabolically violent superhero Harley Quinn, spreads from ear-to-ear. James Gunn, the director on a roll after two successful Guardians of the Galaxy films, rocks back and forth on his chair, threatening to topple from it.
Even the stoic Sylvester Stallone, resembling a sad oil painting with his grey hair and dour expression, can't help but crack up at what's unfolding in front of him.
The cast and crew of The Suicide Squad are in little boxes on my computer screen, participating in an early-morning panel discussion about the latest DC supervillain film. Just 15 minutes in, that chat has gone off the rails, descending into filthy teenage playground banter of the highest order. All of it is focused on exactly one thing.
“We don't want to talk about John's tighty-whities scene,” says Idris Elba, his eyes glinting with mischief as he references the film's use of John Cena in an extremely tight pair of underwear. Pete Davidson, who has until now remained silent except for occasional puffs on his vape, throws his head back and laughs. “Oh bro - your dick is huge,” he says to Cena in awe. “You have a huge peach, dude.”
Suddenly everyone is talking about Cena's impressive package. “John asked me to use a large penis filter on the cameras at all times,” laughs Gunn. “That wasn't even a penis - that was a log,” declares Michael Rooker. Even the Zoom's chat moderator, Tiffany Smith, can't help herself. “Action figures have a ... focal point sometimes,” she says delicately.
Cena, so far a stoic measure of composure in a blue suit and red tie, finally shuts the conversation down. “We have so many talented characters and actors and professionals (here),” he says, shaking his head, “and we just spent a good solid half a minute or more talking about my dick.”
It wasn't supposed to be this way. Just after 5am on a Monday, my Zoom chat window opened with some of Hollywood's most famous faces staring back at me. Among them were Elba (who plays Bloodsport), Cena (Peacemaker), Robbie (Quinn), Rooker (Brian Durlin), Davidson (Blackguard), Stallone (King Fish) and Gunn, as well as Nathan Fillion (TDK), Joel Kinnaman (Rick Flag), Daniela Melchior (Ratcatcher II), David Dastmalchian (Polka-Dot Man) and Jai Courtney (Captain Boomerang).
Taika Waititi, the Kiwi director and actor who has a small but important cameo as Ratcatcher, Peter Capaldi, who plays The Thinker, and Viola Davis, as Amanda Waller, were notable absentees. All of these people have a role to play in The Suicide Squad, Gunn's ultra-violent attempt to turn the wallowing DC film series into an Avengers-style franchise following a bleak 2016 effort by David Ayer that featured Will Smith and Jared Leto.
With its massive cast, thrilling set pieces, subversive sense of humour, and a number of brand new supervillians to enjoy, including a supersized pink alien starfish to take down, all signs point to The Suicide Squad becoming one of the year's most popular blockbuster films.
Yet, like every major movie delivered to cinemas this year, there's a problem. Usually, press junkets are conducted in-person, with media invited to an overseas city to participate in round table interviews, set visits and red carpet screenings. They can last several days.
This time, because of Covid-19 travel restrictions, there's none of that. Instead, we have an early-morning, hour-long Zoom call with the 20 famous faces involved in The Suicide Squad. It started so well, so wholesomely, with Gunn recognising an entire franchise - and, perhaps, the future of cinema-going itself - was on his shoulders.
“I felt the responsibility to take risks,” he says. “It does seem like big movies are the ones people are going to see in theatres. If they don't continue to take risks and try things, people won't be coming. I felt a sense of magic, a sense of purpose, and a sense of destiny the whole time I was making this.”
Other actors had positive things to say about the experience too. “I got to spread some comedic wings,” says Kinnaman. “I read the script and I couldn't believe it,” says Dastmalchian. “I loved every minute of it,” says Elba. “There's a lot of trust going on around here,” says Fillion, as he chokes on a hair wafting up from his pet cat sitting on his lap.
By the 15-minute mark, after Cena's underwear scene steals the limelight, all bets were off. Hollywood's acting elite could barely keep a straight face. Gunn reveals he spent 45 minutes filming an impromptu conversation in which several characters imagined Robbie's character Quinn going to the toilet. “We couldn't stop laughing - and zero per cent of it made it into the movie,” he says. “It was so ridiculous and it went on for so long,” remembers Robbie.
When Stallone is asked which traits he shares with his character, a giant, hungry shark with arms and legs, he says: “A high protein diet.” There are some confusing details that emerge about a cast visit to a local strip club in Atlanta, where much of the film was shot. “You guys remember the strip club with the giant ...?” tails off Elba, creating mischief again.
“Okay, I wasn't going to bring up the strip club,” says Robbie. “That was the thing we were not bringing up,” reminds Gunn. Davidson can't help himself. “All the strippers were old ... they just loved Joel so much,” he says. “I have some deeply compromising karaoke footage,” responds Kinnaman.
See? Carnage.
But perhaps this is better. In the past, press junkets have been time-consuming, tedious and tiring for everyone involved. Put 20 movie stars from what is clearly going to be a hit film into a Zoom chat window and it's going to be mayhem.
Apparently that care-free attitude also helped the film. “You laugh your asses off, it creates that camaraderie even more,” admits Rooker. “You get a better scene afterwards.” Elba agrees. “That goofing around ... allowed us to throw it all at the wall,” he says. “It helped me especially to bring these characters out.”
Kinnaman nods his head in agreement, but he can't help himself. He's still thinking about Cena's underwear. “John's bulge really just bought us all together,” he says. As every single Zoom window erupts in giggles again, Cena finally cracks: “Beautiful,” he replies. What a time to be alive.
The Suicide Squad is in cinemas now. This story was first published on Stuff.co.nz.