At the Aotearoa Music Awards, one act always wins everything.

A brief history of our one-sided music industry showcase.

In 2008, the year I attended the New Zealand Music Awards for the first time, I sat at a table at the back of Vector (now Spark) Arena with a group of journalists I didn’t know. Two Nelson Mail staff members shook my hand, sat down, then turned their attention to sucking each other's faces off. I picked at my salmon, tried to ignore them and wondered if it was always like this. That night, Flight of the Conchords won all the awards.

In 2009, journalists were banished from the main arena and spent the night in the media room. We watched the NZMAs unfold on a tiny TV set then ran down the hall to interview the winners as they walked off stage. Ladyhawke visited the podium so many times that night she ran out of things to say. “I'm not very good with words,” she admitted in one acceptance speech. I interviewed her four times because she won all the awards.

In 2010, Gin Wigmore told reporters, “The plan tonight is to get drunk,” because she won all the awards.

In 2011, the year Colin Mathura-Jeffree wore a meat dress and Anika Moa called Thom Powers “a fucking Norman,” The Naked and Famous won all the awards.

In 2012, the year Home Brew took a goat down the red carpet, I wore a pink shirt and happily posed for selfies with Jaime Ridge and Starboy, who had some weird shit covering his face. (Look at me. I am so drunk.) Six60 won all the awards.

In 2013, someone stole all of NZ Herald's very expensive camera equipment out of the media room while we raided the free bar, meaning we lost all our footage and had nothing to run the following day. A full-scale investigation was launched. A rumour spread that the thief was in-house, but it was never proved true. Lorde won all the awards.

In 2014, after the last award was handed out, a very drunk and very married sales representative from NZ Herald’s online advertising team approached me, stroked my cheeks and said: “You’re so handsome”. I left immediately. Lorde won all the awards.

In 2015, the year Taika Waititi hosted the ceremony and no one got his jokes, Broods won all the awards.

In 2016, the year Aaradhna refused to accept her “urban” award and called it racist, Broods won all the awards.

In 2017, the year the NZMAs stopped using the word “urban”, Lorde danced on a table top and won all the awards.

In 2018, the year Jess B gave the best NZMAs live performance there has ever been or will be, Six60 won all the awards.

In 2019, the year I stopped going to the New Zealand Music Awards, Benee won all the awards.

In 2020, the year the awards changed its name to become the Aotearoa Music Awards, Benee won all the awards.

In 2021, the year all of the performances were by men, L.A.B won all the awards.

In 2022, L.A.B won the exact same awards.

In 2023, the Aotearoa Music Awards took a year off to have a bit of a think about things.

On May 30, a reimagined Aotearoa Music Awards returns for its first ceremony in two years, with Jesse Mulligan and Kara Rickard hosting the night at the Viaduct Events Centre and via a livestream on RNZ. (Full disclosure: I have been asked to spend the night in the media room, an invitation I have politely declined.)

My hope is that organisers have spent the past two years examining the history of the event and have decided upon several things: that the ceremony needs a makeover to meet the current needs of our music industry, that the judging panel should be refreshed and given time to give real thought and weight to their decision-making, and that the awards should be dispersed amongst a far more diverse group of artists.

My hope also is that the AMAs celebrates not just the artists already filling venues, headlining festivals and topping streaming services, but also the fresh faces and new talent who may be up at that podium in the years to come. Right now, faced with declining streaming revenue and ticket sales, they need that industry support more than ever, and the AMAs would be a great place for it to start.

I hope all of these things happen. After writing the above, I suspect they may not.

The Aotearoa Music Awards will be available via livestream on RNZ, and the following day on TVNZ+.

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Everything you need to know…

• Taylor Swift’s new album was too much of a downer for some fans, so they’re taking her lyrics and remixing the songs from The Tortured Poets Department into bangers. “It’s almost like it was meant to be remixed, right?” one DJ tells The Washington Post.

• Why did someone upload a song about New York Times scribe Brett Martin to Spotify? The journalist goes on the hunt for his songwriter and finds … one hell of a story. “You have to understand … I’ve written over 24,000 songs. I wrote 50 songs yesterday,” the person responsible tells him. (The audio version is here.)

• We’re about to find out what Karl Steven really is singing in Supergroove’s 1994 hit ‘Can’t Get Enough’, a classic track often described as New Zealand’s “most misquoted song”. RNZ explains why.

• Finally, to my surprise, my daughter has wholesale rejected Billie Eilish’s new album, instead favouring repeat listens of The Tortured Poets Department. I, however, am not that fickle and have given Hit Me Hard and Soft several spins. It’s good! I particularly like the video for ‘Lunch’, which has the vibe of a cooked 90s extreme sports show. As for the song? It’s a banger, but you cannot sing it to yourself around the house when the kids are at home. Do. Not. Do. This.