Build an enormodome and you'll get my vote
New Zealand needs a mega-stadium concert facility ASAP. Let's escalate it to an election issue. Plus, some entertainment suggestions to improve your weekend...
Promises are being made. Billboards are everywhere. We are in the thick of electioneering – and it couldn’t be more boring. Two people called Chris are telling Aotearoa the exact same things in slightly different ways. Who will win? Who really cares when they seem so samey? I have an idea that could help break this deadlock. It’s crazy, but it would earn my vote…
Last Tuesday, I and much of the rest of the country watched two people called ‘Chris’ use an endless stream of words to batter each other (and us) into submission.
During the first of three live debates ahead of the upcoming election, Chris Luxon and Chris Hipkins said many things about economic solutions and tax relief, crime rates, rental properties, petrol taxes and electric cars. The phrase “range anxiety” was used. We’re 21 days out from Election Day. Tell me about it.
We got what most of us expect from politicians these days: lame jokes and meaningless waffle. At this point, I’ve given up. Wake me up when it’s over.
But wait.
Maybe there is an issue that would get me to rouse from my slumber, something closer to my chest than tax breaks for “mum and dad” landlords (lol). There is something that, if someone were to promise it, would have me waking early on October 14 to be the first in line at my nearest election booth, marker pen at the ready.
That issue is this: We need an enormodome, asap.
I know.
It seems frivolous, ridiculous, and miles off the mark. We’re in the thick of a cost of living crisis. Petrol and grocery prices are at all-time highs. There are massive pot holes to fix in our policing, education, health and climate change policies, not to mention our warped and buckled roading system.
Why should building our very own Wembley Stadium top anyone’s agenda?
Here’s why.
A few months back, Taylor Swift angered every single one of her New Zealand Swifties by refusing to come here, instead forcing fans to book flights and compete with Australians in queues for tickets to her only down-under shows.
Early next year, she’ll perform for three nights at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, and four nights at Sydney’s Accor Stadium. She’ll play to 100,000+ fans a night in Melbourne, and 83,000+ a night in Sydney.
Those numbers are important. Those numbers mean something. New Zealand’s biggest venue is Eden Park. It can hold 50,000 on a good day, or 60,000 when temporary stands are installed.
Those numbers explain why Swift isn’t bothering with New Zealand on her Eras tour. Why come all this way to play to 50,000 a night when she can play to 100,000 a night somewhere else, thus doubling her money?
In a post-pandemic world, where travel costs and shipping rates have skyrocketed, it’s easier and cheaper for stars to set up in a mega stadium for several nights to allow everyone who wants to to come and see them do so. So, when Taylor Swift does something, the world tends to follow. She’s setting a trend that seems set to continue by fellow megastars. Wherefore art thou, Beyoncé?
We need more live music venues across the board. Logan Campbell Centre has gone out of business. Mission Estate Winery is being turned into an industrial estate. During Covid, music venues closed around the country. Those that managed to make it through are still only just hanging in there.
Building a mega stadium capable of holding 100,000 isn’t going to fix any of that. But in a perfect world, with a healthy music industry, we’d have music venues of different sizes across the board. We’d have emerging artists practising and proving themselves on small stages, working their way up to the Powerstation, then the Town Hall, then Spark Arena.
What could come next is a megadome. The last time Taylor Swift performed here in November, 2018 (a night increasingly looking like the last time she’ll ever perform here) she bought Broods up on stage to play to their biggest local audience ever. It’s an experience they couldn’t have had without her.
Megastars need a megadome. Our music industry needs it too. If Chris Hipkins wants to beat Chris Luxon, he needs a mega hail mary. He might as well make it this.
If you want to watch The Continental, answer these questions first…
How do you feel about John Wick without Keanu Reeves? What’s your stance on a little ultraviolence on the small screen? More importantly, what are your thoughts on seeing Mel Gibson again? You’ll need to answer all these questions before entering the world of The Continental, Prime Video’s three-part series that takes Reeves’ John Wick quadrology as a blueprint for a prequel telling the story of how the films’ hotel came into being. It’s a show that’s dark, odd, quirky, strange, grisly, bloody, muscled-up, a bit quiet but also thoroughly enjoyable. Yet it all depends on that big question: can you stomach Gibson in his biggest TV role since, well, this. (Screening now.)
Too violent? Try this Apple TV+ rom-com…
If you’ve ever suffered from insomnia, Still Up will resonate. The rom-com’s starring couple Lisa and Danny don’t realise they’re a couple. They spend the small hours chatting away like teenagers who just got their first phone: him, stuck in his flat; her out on a late night mission. Neither of them can sleep. That, basically, is the show, which sounds one-note, except for their chemistry. The Bear’s Carmy and Clare had it, so too did Starstruck’s Jessie and Tom. Lisa and Danny have it too, and it gives all those meaningless conversations something to chew on. (On Apple TV+ now.)
I have some notes…
Once Were Warriors, Lee Tamahori’s big, painful, career-breaking film is being made into a TV series. I’m all for this: we should own our stories, and the success of Far North shows there’s massive demand for seeing quality local drama shows. But it’s a hell of a task. Let’s hope the film’s honoured in the right way.
Squid Game: The Challenge is a thing, it’s happening, it’s real, and it’s coming on November 22. Here’s the first trailer that shows $4,560,000 is up for grabs.
Space drama For All Mankind and Slow Horses will return for new seasons between now and Christmas. If you’re new to them, lucky you. For All Mankind’s fourth season touches down on Apple TV+ on November 10, and Slow Horses’ third on December 1. (Trailers are here and here.) You have time to catch up.
If you’re not listening to Search Engine, you really should. This week the podcast interviews Stranger Things star Maya Hawke in an attempt to break down what the months-long writers strike really seems to be about: numbers. Like, why won’t any streamers tell us who’s watching what? Finally, we seem to have an answer.
I have three songs for you to soundtrack this weekend, and they’re all local: Erny Belle’s delightfully mystical ‘Stay Golden’, Fazerdaze’s shoegazy stunner ‘Bigger’ and Ratbag’s hypnotic ‘Rats in My Walls’. Make a playlist and enjoy!
Finally, it’s daylight savings tomorrow, so watch this delightfully unhinged A24 trailer for the film Dream Scenario in which Nicolas Cage becomes a viral sensation by appearing in everyone’s dreams. It looks like a Cage fever dream, until it all goes horribly wrong. Let that one haunt your dreams tonight :)
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