I'm going to Australia – and I'm not happy about it.

I need a new word to describe how I'm feeling right now.

Kia ora.

Earlier this week, a simple social media post sent me into panic mode. Kendrick Lamar is already headlining four Spilt Milk festival dates and two stadium shows in Australia on his Grand National Tour. Like so many other major artists, Lamar isn’t coming to Aotearoa. But this post announced that Lamar would play two additional stadium shows in Australia, this time with Doechii in support, another artist I’m desperate to see live and who also isn’t coming our way.

Full disclosure: I’d already purchased tickets to see one of Lamar’s stadium shows, at Melbourne’s AAMI Park on December 3. I’d also purchased flights, booked leave from my day job and begged a mate to let me sleep on his couch. Now, I faced a conundrum: should I cough up $300 for a second ticket, change my flights, book another day off, and beg my mate to stay another night so I could go to a second show and see Doechii? Could I make this happen?

It turns out I couldn’t. It’s too much. My travel budget is maxed out. I’m already doing the exact same thing in November to see one of the Oasis Live ‘25 shows, another major tour that isn’t coming our way. These are, to me, the biggest shows of the year. We haven’t stopped talking about Lamar since last year’s demolition job on Drake. Same with the reunited Gallagher brothers, who are giving fans exactly what they want. “I had simply never been in a room with that many happy people,” writes Chris Black in a GQ review.

This is the conundrum I and every other Aotearoa music fan faces right now. Thanks to the machinery of modern touring, we have missed out on so many major shows over the past year. Olivia Rodrigo didn’t bother coming. Neither did Billie Eilish, who has frequently spoken of her love for Aotearoa. Green Day followed suit. Then The Killers, The Weeknd, Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Usher, Korn, Addison Rae, Kesha, AC/DC, Katy Perry and Kylie Minogue all fell in line and gave us a miss. (Writing that list out in full never stops being shocking to me.)

Our only option to see these artists is to spend on travel. The privilege in getting to do this twice over the next four months isn’t lost on me. The only way I’ve been able to make it happen is by careful planning, penny pinching and calling in a fair few favours. Yet, I can’t help but look at that list of acts and wonder if I’ve made the right call. After her killer Coachella set, Lady Gaga would be an incredible live show. Would a Spilt Milk ticket be a better bet than a Kendrick Lamar stadium show? What if I blow my budget and Nine Inch Nails announces an Australia-only tour? The stress is palpable.

So these trips have left me feeling conflicted. On the one hand, I’m spending all that money to do my favourite thing: go see live music. I should be excited, and yet my brow is furrowed. I’m sitting here feeling bad about doing something I love. That’s because I’d far prefer having the option of seeing those shows here, in our own stadiums, adding to our own big gig history, and spending money in local bars and restaurants, rather than Australia. As Ben Howe suggests, it’s certainly curbed my ability to splash entertainment cash around in my home town.

But I desperately want to see those shows! Who knows when Kendrick Lamar and Oasis will be back. Maybe never? This hurts! What is the word I need to describe this feeling? Frustrated? Disappointed? Exasperated? Infuriated? And yet, at the exact same time, I’m full of anticipation and joy at the thought of seeing some of the biggest tours of the year. This is a messy time to be a live music fan, and it doesn’t appear that will change any time soon.

No AI, no bullshit, no slop, no time wasting: that’s my promise to you. Sign up for regular dispatches about Aotearoa’s music industry below. If you’re feeling generous, the only way I get to keep doing this is thanks to my paying subscribers. Every little bit helps. Stay safe, listen to lots of music and we’ll talk again soon…

Everything else you may have missed…

• In tour news: Jelly Roll and Shaboozey will play The Outerfields at Western Springs on November 8; the 90s dance act Faithless will play their first show in eight years as part of next year’s Synthony line-up alongside Peking Duk, The Exponents and The Black Seeds in Auckland Domain on March 21; Neil Finn has added more acts to his MUFGAL series of livestreamed Roundhead Studio Infinity Sessions shows starting next week; Cameron Winter will play Parnell’s Holy Trinity Cathedral on February 4; and Scottish Ultravox performer Midge Ure has cancelled three September shows citing an “urgent” health issue.

• After a summer of concert carnage, including festivals falling over and many postponements and cancellations, change is on the way. For Consumer NZ, I tackled the issues surrounding refunds over Juicy Fest and the Timeless Tour and found a new verification process for promoters is underway, with those that are safe to purchase tickets from given a verified “tick” badge. “It’s so you know there’s some foundation behind them,” says NZ Promoters Association president Layton Lillas. “They’ve clearly got a track record, they've clearly got integrity, and it’s been checked by the industry. That’s how you can know you’re dealing with a reputable company.”

• I have always liked King Princess, the alt-rock alter ego of the New York musician Mikaela Straus. After reading Holden Seidlitz’ incredible New Yorker profile ahead of her new album Girl Violence, which paints Straus as an awkward, constantly-cussing and Zyn-addicted musical genius, I am head over heels. Among the story’s many great quotes is this: “There’s a huge disconnect between my body and my soul. I think that disconnect is powerful if it’s harnessed, but sometimes you wake up and you’re, like, ‘If I put clothes on this carcass, I’m going to kill myself.’” Music journalism! Go read it!

• Speaking of journalism, I’m making my way through John Campbell’s incendiary investigation Under His Command, a five-part documentary diving into Brian Tamaki’s Destiny Church. It’s a shocking, depressing, mesmerising watch that contains a single moment of levity in the form of an incredible needle drop. Ripped from a Destiny Church livestream, Campbell cuts to huge baskets chocka with tithing cash being passed around the church. The song soundtracking this is John Glacier’s ‘Money Shows’ and the impact is perfect, easily my favourite needle drop of the year. Go John! Go journalism!

• Here are all of the best photos from Lollapalooza.

• Apparently we can all just release our albums of the year lists whenever we want to now. For Vulture, Craig Jenkins has released his mid-year wrap in August (?). The kicker? It’s pretty good! If you’ve just emerged from a coma, you could do worse than Tyler the Creator, Annahstasia, billy woods, Jane Remover, Backxwash, FKA Twigs, Lambrini Girls and MIKE as your soundtrack to 2025. The only mistake seems to be missing Wet Leg off his list, but Jenkins has three more months to fix this until the official lists begin to land.

• Soft Bait are an impossible-to-Google local band (go try it and you’ll be served extreme fishing content) but they have made an album I cannot stop listening to. Life Advice is the missing link between Dartz, Idles, Dick Move and Fontaines DC, a pummelling, abrasive riot full of zingers that make me laugh every time. “Tell me about your weird hobbies,” from ‘Applause’ is one of my favourites. Go listen to ‘Sooner’ and grab tickets to their Whammy show for just $20.

Bonus beat.