NZ has 20 streaming services. The 21st is going to be huge
NZ has 20 streaming services. The 21st is going to be huge
Like it or not, Hayu is coming for your eyeballs – and your brain cells too.
If you need to ask yourself just one question on this calm weekend morning, make it this: do you need another TV streaming service in your life? I suspect the answer for many will be an emphatic “Hells no”. Perhaps the very thought of it has you clenching your fist and eeking a single tear down your cheek as well.
We already have 20 – yes, 20! – of the damned things. New Zealand’s fractured TV landscape soaks up precious time and energy. It demands you build Google Docs to work out what you want to watch, where the thing you want to watch is playing, and how much it will all cost you. Honestly, it’s exhausting. Try writing about it.
Savvy switching – setting up one account, using it for a month, burning through everything as fast as you can then moving onto the next – has become the norm. To do anything else costs big bucks. If you want constant access to the big four – Netflix, Disney+, Apple TV+ and Prime Video – you’re coughing up at least $60 a month. Throw Sky Sport Now into them mix and you’re up and over $100.
But there are many, many others. Don’t believe we have 20 streaming services?It’s true. Let’s count them up. Screw it, I’m bored: let’s rank them…
1-5: Apple TV+; Neon; Prime Video; Netflix; Sky Sport Now
6-10: Disney+; TVNZ+; YouTube Premium; Shudder; ThreeNow
11-15: Whakaata Māori+; Sky Go; AMC+; Acorn; Beamafilm
16-20: Tubi; Mubi; Docplay; Arovision; NZ On Screen
Now I’ve got that out of my system, we can move on to this week’s big streaming surprise. Out of nowhere, on Thursday morning, American streamer Hayu joined the fray. Our 21st service is late to the streaming party for sure, but it’s offering a half-price introductory deal – a 12-month subscription for $39.99 – to make up for it.
What is Hayu? Great question! If you’re a peak TV snob in the middle of your third re-watch of The Americans while awaiting the fourth season of For All Mankind, look away now. For everyone else: sit the hell down, because I have exciting news for you.
Hayu promises something no other streamer can deliver: American reality TV piped fresh, live and direct into your living room. Yes, really. Just look at all this…
Hayu has all of the Real Housewives series, and all of the spinoffs. Same with Below Deck and Vanderpump Rules. It has shows called things like House of Villains, Winter House and Real Girlfriends in Paris, which swap and reuse reality celebs from other series. It has surgical mishap shows Botched and Married to Medicine.
And it has a lot of true crime: Snapped (about women who kill their partners), The Real Murders of Atlanta (about grisly Atlanta murders), and New York Homicide (same but in New York). There’s also something ominously titled Buried in the Backyard, which, when I Googled it, gave me this image, so I stopped searching.
Look, I hear you. You want to watch high brow, prestige content only. You want to preserve your intellect. You want to be challenged. For sure. You do you. Neon’s full of quality HBO content like Succession and Chernobyl. Disney+ has The Bear and Reservation Dogs. TVNZ+ has heaps of good stuff. You should go watch the incredible doco Catching Lightning immediately. It’s sooo good.
But it doesn’t stop one simple fact: reality television is among our most-watched and most talked-about TV content. Right now, after a five-month writers strike, in the fractured streaming era, reality TV is the only kind of television capable of dominating the zeitgeist. Need proof? Three’s most popular show in 2023, on linear TV and on ThreeNow, is Married at First Sight Australia. Yes, that’s the (possibly constructed) show about people meeting then marrying each other.
No wonder Three’s just launched a rebooted local version of the show. No wonder celebs we haven’t heard of in years are being dug out of the woodwork for another season of Celebrity Treasure Island. And no wonder Hayu has arrived in New Zealand. You may not admit to watching it, and your friends probably won’t either. But there is at least one show on Hayu that you will secretly love, and happily pay money for, and never tell anyone about.
Just don’t let it be Buried in the Backyard – I beg you.
Netflix is going hard on the docos…
If you’re wondering why so many docos are populating streaming services right now, the answer’s easy: docos don’t need writers, and they’ve all been on strike. I’ve just finished Telemarketers (on Neon) and Lightning Crashes (TVNZ+), and now I’m knee-deep on two more on Netflix. I knew nothing about the life and death of Jill Dando before watching three-part doco Who Killed Jill Dando? Now, her murder, which remains unsolved, is all I think about. The details are bizarre and producers get everyone to talk for this one. I hadn’t thought about David Beckham in a good while either. But Beckham, also on Netflix, is a dirt-filled saga of the footballer’s career (and other exploits). I will say this: many parts of it are causing a stir. (Streaming now)
Why you should go see Uproar immediately…
I want to know what Minnie Driver’s up to. She’s in Rose Matefeo’s Starstruck. She’s in season two of Taika Waititi’s Our Flag Means Death. She’s also got a starring role in Uproar, a new and entirely delightful local film debuting in theatres this week. Is she an honorary Kiwi now? Does she own property here? What is happening?! Uproar needs a good edit, a little bit of a nip/tuck, but aside from that it’s a really quite good New Zealand coming-of-age story set in Dunedin during the Springbok rugby tour of 1983. Julian Dennison’s great in this, so too is James Rolleston, and despite being pretty light-hearted it has some incredibly touching moments - especially when South Africa’s apartheid policies are compared with Aotearoa colonisation. (In theatres.)
I have some notes…
The world’s best podcast, Jonathan Goldstein’s Heavyweight, is back, and if you’re not listening, what are you even doing with your life? If you’ve never heard Heavyweight before I’m thoroughly jealous; you get to go listen to the entire series for the first time. You’re in for an emotional time. Enjoy!
More festival line-ups landed this week: Rhythm & Alps has Synthony, Benee and Fat Freddy’s Drop; Northern Bass has Netsky, Jess B and Home Brew; Splore has The Pharcyde, Strawpeople and Half Queen; Morningside Live Block Party has Avantdale Bowling Club and The Beths; and Hamilton’s Meatstock (I know!) has Shihad, Tami Neilson and Kaylee Bell. Are they paid in all-you-can-eat ribs?
Speaking of live shows, Dinosaur Jr are bringing their Where You Been 30th anniversary tour to at the Auckland Town Hall on March 2 (pack earplugs; last time I saw them it was very loud), while Souls of Mischief have confirmed a The Others Way sideshow at Neck of the Woods on December 2.
If you want a wild ride to dive into this morning, check out this Rolling Stone feature about Maverick Miles, a serial conman who came unstuck while trying to con the story’s reporter. It’s a crazed yarn that involved dozen of interviews, just as many victims, and a reporter who could have lost his career if he wasn’t careful.
Finally, creepy trailer alert: here’s the first look at Sofia Coppola’s Priscilla, the Presley biopic due in theatres here in mid-January. First takeaway: Jacob Elordi is very good at playing control freaks. Second: Fame clearly doesn’t gel with some people, huh?
That’s it for this Saturday’s instalment of Boiler Room. If you’re enjoying Boiler Room, please consider becoming a paying subscriber so I can do more of them.