The Squid Game reality show is mean, ugly, nasty and wrong.
Welcome to dystopia. Please hand your soul in at the door.
I’m aghast.
I’m appalled.
I’m disgusted.
I don’t watch a lot of reality TV.
But this past weekend, isolated at home with a cold that just wouldn’t quit, something simple was about all I could handle.
The reviews looked good.
The reviews sounded promising.
The reviews made it seem like I should definitely spend my sad little weekend shacked up with a cold with a real-life reality show based on a made-up reality show from Netflix’s 2021 megahit Squid Game.
So I turned on episode one of The Challenge.
OMG.
I was repulsed.
I couldn’t help myself, so I kept watching
It got even worse.
The Challenge is what happens when human suffering becomes home entertainment.
The Challenge is the most depressing TV show I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen every single episode of The Handmaid’s Tale.
The Challenge is real-life The Running Man.
After spending my weekend with this show while suffering through my own internal misery, I feel like I’m in the perfect mind state to say the following.
The Challenge should never have happened.
It is nasty, sad and ugly.
It is mean, horrible and wrong.
How else do you describe a show in which one competitor, 299, is bullied into choosing the worst shape for the Dalgona biscuit-breaking challenge?
He’s so stressed about inflicting the umbrella and its troubling curved handle on his team mates that he burps, sweats and dry retches the entire time.
Later, when queuing for a challenge, competitor 043 is so stressed she shivers, bursts into tears and looks like she’s desperate for a hug.
Instead, she gets 432 chewing her out. “You’re bawling, crying – and for what?” he says. “Control your emotions. This is not a game of sympathy.”
Ugh.
It gets so much worse.
In the knockout marble challenge that eliminates nearly 50% of competitors, one deaf entrant accuses another of using her hearing impairment to earn emotional brownie points when she’s done nothing of the sort.
Also in the marble challenge, a son is forced to eliminate his mother.
People cry all of the time in The Challenge, and it’s never tears of joy.
It’s stress, sadness and how-the-hell-did-I-get-here disbelief.
It’s a human hell-hole and no one looks happy to be there.
“I feel like this is messing with me so bad,” says one competitor.
“This is so intense. This is so intense,” says another.
“This is the most stressful situation I’ve ever been in,” says a third.
All that, and yet, The Challenge is a hit.
Just look at the most-watched Netflix shows in New Zealand right now.
It’s still appearing on the list several weeks after its release.
The Challenge has already been renewed for a second season.
That’s despite a lawsuit being filed by multiple contestants claiming they suffered hyperthermia and nerve damage during filming.
I’m not surprised.
At every turn, this is a show that forces contestants to put each other through misery. It rewards social disharmony.
Even when contestants win a challenge, they don’t feel good about it. They can’t, because they’ve had to do something appalling to get there.
I can’t help but compare this to Survivor, the long-running reality show that strands strangers on a desert island for the chance to win $1 million.
It too can be mean and nasty, but underpinning it is a respect for the game, a sense of community spirit that’s built up over the past 45 seasons.
When Survivor contestants are eliminated, they usually pick up their torch and smile as host Jeff Probst snuffs it out.
They’re in on it, and they get over it.
Some of them even turn to thank their team mates, especially if the blindside was particularly sneaky.
I don’t see any of that goodwill at play in The Challenge.
When someone is eliminated, many appear to be carrying beef that could easily carry over into real life.
It is, I guess, a sad statement on life in 2023.
Life’s brutal out there anyway, The Challenge seems to say. Why not shit on people and win some prize money in the process?
I’m seven episodes in. I’m not sure I can take much more. I don’t know if I’ll see it through to the bitter end.
But whoever does take home that $4.56 million in prize money, I hope it’s enough to buy you years and years of therapy.
Because you’re going to need it.
The week ahead…
Get your pens out because we have best-of-the-year lists dropping on a daily basis. Stereogum has grunge act Wednesday (on top of its records of the year list, while Pitchfork gave another No. 1 to SZA. Meanwhile, NYT ($) chose The Bear as its best TV show, while Time gave that award to Succession and Reservation Dogs. Are you allowed to pick two? Get your lists ready: on Friday, I’ll be unveiling my faves of the year – and I’ll be asking you to share yours too.
$uicideBoy$ are a feral, grimy underground hip-hop act that, through constant touring, have crossed over into the mainstream. They’re a hell of a good time live, and they’re coming for their own headlining show on March 23 at Spark Arena. They’ll have plenty of support with Ghostemane, Pouya, Germ and Shakewell on the bill too. Pre-sales begin on Tuesday; general on-sale on Wednesday.
Rock act Disturbed are coming too. They’re playing in Spark Arena on March 15. The pre-sale begins tomorrow; the general on-sale starts Friday.
Live shows are slowing down this side of Christmas, but there are a few highlights this week: Alex G is at the Powerstation on Tuesday night; rapper 50 Cent (and his super-expensive tickets) are at Spark Arena on Thursday; Alvvays will play the Powerstation on Saturday; and Quicksand play The Mothership the same night.
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