Violence, vengeance and vomit - the gigs that shocked me

Mar 08, 2021

On Saturday, the music festival Outerfields was set to debut in Auckland. With Aldous Harding, The Beths, Harper Finn and Benee, it was going to be my first festie in more than 12 months. Like so many other events, Level 3 forced organisers to postpone it until December. I can wait, but in the meantime, here are a few choice concert memories I’ve collected over the years. Let’s go…

For the Black Eyed Peas’ Wellington show in 2005, I arrived at the Queens Wharf Events Centre early. It was the first gig review I’d done for Stuff.co.nz, and wanted it to be a good one, so I got near the front. That’s when I noticed a massive clearing opening up in the moshpit. I wandered over and immediately realised everyone had vacated the area because someone had vomited all over the floor. I was about to disappear too when a group of teens come running over - they’d noticed the gap open up and wanted to claim it for themselves. Everyone made room and watched them run, slide and slip over on a basketball floor covered in sick. That memory is so gross that after 15 years it still make me ill.

Macklemore and his producer sidekick Ryan Lewis’ concert at Spark Arena in 2016 was so bad that it made me sad to be a fan of music.
I thought I had a gap before Mac Miller’s set at the 2014 Big Day Out. So I grabbed a chicken salad and a fork and headed up front. Waiting for the late rapper (RIP) to arrive, I took my time and tucked into my lunch, enjoying what would be become the country’s final BDO festival. But Miller arrived on stage early, and I was stuck trying to fork a bowl of shredded carrot and beetroot into my face while being jostled by fans. I got a tap on the shoulder, turned around and was greeted by a shirtless bro-dude aiming his camera at me. “Look at this guy!” he yelled, laughing to his friends. “He’s eating a salad in a Mac Miller moshpit!” Ugh. So embarrassing. That pic is probably still floating around on Facebook somewhere.
Every year at Rhythm & Vines, the neat rows of grapes growing under shade cloth gets turned into handy private urinals for drunk, swaying lads to empty their bladders onto. I wouldn’t drink that vintage, and I don’t think you should either.

When rapper The Game played Vector (now Spark) Arena in 2012, it was such a relentlessly aggressive gig that I stood as far back from the stage as I could. But I’m glad I didn’t leave early: anyone who did faced a tirade of abuse hurled at them from the stage by a rapper who really didn’t deserve to have an ego quite as big as his seemed to be. He’s only ever made it to New Zealand for one of five planned shows. Let’s hope he doesn’t make it here for any more.

Schoolboy Q was in full flight at Auckland’s Logan Campbell Centre in 2016 - and so were the fists. Near the front, a circle pit broke out after one punter was king hit. Some fans scarpered, others joined into the all-in brawl. As I tried to move away, one aggressor grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me and yelled: “What’s the matter bro? Scared?” I watched as he ran in and punched someone in the back of the head. After that calmed down and the gig resumed, a fan in the stands tried to get a better view by climbing up onto a scaffolding platform. When security asked him to come down, he refused and a dangerous, high-rise wrestling match ensued. Even Schoolboy Q couldn’t help himself - he stopped the show to watch the madness unfold.
It’s time for more vomit, I’m afraid. When San Deigo surf-punks Wavves played the Kings Arms in 2012, front man Nathan Williams was not in good shape, coughing and spluttering throughout a raggedy set. He warned everyone it was coming, but it’s still a shock to see a band’s front man yakking all over the stage. There are back stage areas for a reason, guys.

When hard rock act Disturbed played Spark (Vector) Arena in 2009, the god-awful racket coming from the stage was so rotten that I moved as far away as I could. A security guard soon arrived and made me move forward again. Apparently I’d managed to maneuver myself into an area that was closed to the public. God damn that was a dreary show.
It was cold, it was raining, the beer ran out, there were no toilets and you couldn’t even see the stage from the designated drinking areas. But that wasn’t the worst thing about Mercury Rising, a one-day New Year’s Eve festival held in 2006 on Whitianga’s Ohuka Farm headlined by Fat Freddy’s Drop and Concord Dawn. Near the end of the night, drunken festival goers turned to a nearby river for their ablutions, but began falling down the slippery, urine-soaked river banks, calling out for help when they ended up in the mud below. We ended our night calling an ambulance for a security guard who snapped his ankle in a pothole. Just an all-around awful experience, and hands-down my least favourite music festival moment ever. I can’t wait to go to some good ones to erase this memory!

Boiler Room with Chris Schulz.