A silly prank? Or a case of corporate espionage?
A silly prank? Or a case of corporate espionage?
Thirty years ago, someone doctored a Telecom Christmas card to include a secret message. Who did it? A new podcast tries to find out.
Craig Major places his phone on the table in front of him.
On his screen is a pixelated picture of a landscape artwork, an image that has come to dominate his life for the past two years.
A sandy beach is visible, along with a hill, a couple of animals, and some trees casting tall shadows.
Major pinches his fingers to zoom in.
There, on a grassy bank, a series of letters become visible.
Major spins the image around, and they begin to make sense.
“It’s really subtle,” he says. “It’s upside-down … it’s hard to see.”
Squint and you can just make them out, two words etched into the grass.
What do they say?
Major leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest.
“Telecom sux.”
Major first saw those words on Paul Holmes’ 7pm current affairs show 30 years ago.
Then, as an 11-year-old parked in front of his parents’ TV waiting for The Simpsons to start, he remembers watching a weird story unfold, the kind of whimsy Holmes would often use to round out an episode.
“It must have been a couple of days before Christmas,” says Major. “Holmes had a minute left in the show. It was the final piece before he did his whole ‘Those are our people today, that’s Holmes tonight’ spiel.’”
The story was about a corporate Christmas card. Every year, Telecom, then the country’s dominant telecommunications company, held an art competition. The winning art was turned into festive cards sent to the company’s millions of customers.
At some stage between winning an award and being turned into a card, one of those paintings was altered to include what Major calls “a secret message”.
And the words “Telecom sux” weren’t the only thing added.
Something else was included, meaning that juvenile message could be something far sinister – possibly, Major believes, New Zealand’s biggest case of corporate espionage.
Major grabs his phone again and points to a different section of the painting, this time over by the trees.
There, in the shade, are two dots and a squiggle.
“The logo for Clear Communications (then Telecom’s biggest rival) is hidden in there as well,” he says.
Who did this?
Why did they do it?
How?
And when?
Major is trying to find out.
In his new six-part podcast Prank of the Year, he’s going to extremes in his attempt to track down the person responsible for making a corporate giant send out a defaced Christmas card to customers.
It is, he admits, “low-stakes true crime”. But his obsession is what makes Major’s podcast so entertaining. “The reason the story fascinates me is because it's something weird that I remember,” he says. “Nobody else does.”
In episode one, Major admits he only remembered seeing the Holmes clip as a kid when he walked past a manhole cover on his way to work. It still had the Clear Communication logo etched into it. “I wondered, ‘What happened with that?’”
Most of that episode is spent trying to track down old news clips and footage of that brief Holmes segment – which didn’t include the kind of in-depth info Major’s after – to prove his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.
It wasn’t. Major, who works in corporate comms, says he’s stumbled upon a journalist’s dream. It’s one of those stories that keeps on giving, one that he promises will include surprising plot twists.
Without realising it, Major’s joined a growing DIY podcast trend.
Everyone with an obsession and a microphone is giving it a go, from the New Zealand team behind the comedy LOLs of Who Shat on the Floor at my Wedding? to Hamilton-based Ryan Wolf’s Guilt, a murder deep-dive whose current season covers the mysterious disappearance of Swedish backpacker Heidi Paakkonen in 1989.
Major isn’t banking on that kind of viral success, but his podcast has helped scratch an itch that’s been with him for three decades.
He’s still working on his finale (to air on December 23, the 30th anniversary of him seeing that Holmes clip) with the hope his initial episodes help jog memories and bring more information out of the woodwork.
So what happens if he can’t get a definitive answer to his one-man whodunnit?
“Memories are hazy,” he says. “Our approach will be, ‘Here’s all the evidence and here are our theories … We’ve taken this as far as we can.’”
Major folds his arms again. The answer, he says, could be harder to find than even he thought it would be.
“In 1993, quite a few people probably thought Telecom sucked.”
Listen to episode one of Prank of the Year here.
A Monday morning headline dump…
Suki Waterhouse has left the Laneway line-up. Her spot on the January festival has been filled by the rapper Cordae. Later today, at 5pm, Bay Dreams will announce a replacement for Kelis. Please, PLEASE, book some women: we need more diversity at our music festivals as soon as possible.
At Auckland’s Fridayz Live concert last week, a Stuff reviewer glanced down at the notebook of a male critic sitting next to her. No joke: about Kelly Rowland’s performance, he’d written the words “sexy” and “nice boobs”. Music journalism’s back, I guess…
Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone’s new TV show is easily among the year’s best (I’m two episodes in and holy wow it’s so good). So why can’t we see The Curse? The Spinoff goes in search of a local streamer willing to play it for the masses and, just like The Bureau, comes up short.
Last week’s post on those super expensive Jerry Seinfeld tickets made it onto Stuff. Head here to read my comments on why bookers think $850 ticket prices are OK. Sample quote: “There’s a bit of a vibe out there from promoters who think they can charge whatever they want for some shows and some seats”.
On Thursday, a new TV subscription service lands, taking our total number of streaming options to 22. That’s way too many, but Brollie is free (with ads). “The Brollie catalogue is full of Australian cult classics, many of which aren’t available on other streaming platforms,” Umbrella’s Ari Harrison told Variety. We need the New Zealand version of this so bad it’s not funny.
Finally, here’s what happening this week: Post Malone performs at the Outerfield on Tuesday night, the same night that rapper Larry June is at The Studio. The Phoenix Foundation play The Hollywood on Friday, and Limp Bizkit arrive for their sold out show (WTAF!?!) at Spark Arena on Sunday night. See you there?!?
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