Major artists don't want to come to New Zealand now.

Why, Billie, why?

When Billie Eilish released the dates for her upcoming world tour this morning, it was expected there’d be New Zealand shows in the mix. I’d messaged a friend just the day before to say, “Billie Eilish will be back, surely,” then complained about the hammering my wallet was taking with all these concerts. “I love it,” he replied.

Eilish seemed to love it too. The goth-pop overachiever has played shows here since she was 15 years old. She first performed at the Tuning Fork, covering ‘Hotline Bling’ in a bright orange puffer jacket with Lorde in the audience, screaming teens in the front rows and her mother standing protectively at the side of the stage. It was great.

Since then, she’s always been here, playing in Albert Park in the afternoon sun at Laneway in 2018, Spark Arena in 2019, and then three shows in the same venue in 2022, where I was told off for putting my daughter on my shoulders at her first ever concert. She was forced to watch from the floor, which isn’t easy when you’re 10.

Soon, Eilish will release her new album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, which we’ve had no singles from, just an incredible story from Rolling Stone ($$), one that goes to great lengths to prove Eilish is no longer a kid anymore, and doesn’t want to be seen as one. (I’d quote from it, but my daughter might read this, so I can’t.)

Floating Away: Billie Eilish won’t swim to New Zealand.

So, the tour. It’s extensive, the dates numbering more than 80, the countries hitting double figures, the dates spanning from September this year until July, 2025. It’s an unusual tour: Eilish isn’t doing stadiums, but multiple nights in indoor arenas. That seems to be a choice. She’s big enough to do stadiums now, but she’s choosing not to.

There are 12 Australian shows in total, including four at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre, four in Sydney’s Qudos Bank Arena, and four in Melbourne’s Rod Lever Arena across February and March next year. That’s a nice time to come down under! Late summer is our best weather! She’d have a blast here! Bring Finneas and the fam!

You can guess where this is heading, right? There are no New Zealand dates on her schedule, and seemingly no room for any either. Let me put that another way: Billie Eilish does not seem to be coming to New Zealand for the next two years. That sucks.

Instead, Eilish appears to be doing something major artists are doing more and more of: skipping New Zealand. Taylor Swift did this to a massive outcry on her recent Eras tour. Paul McCartney also did it. Beyoncé? There’s still no sign of her, either. Those rumoured Olivia Rodrigo dates are yet to materialise too.

We’re going to see more of this. Swift has set the precedent. Why ship your entire stage setup and huge crew between cities at massive cost when you can set up shop in one city, play multiple dates and ask fans to come to you? I don’t know what it cost SZA to send that giant ship of hers around the world, but it can’t be cheap.

Maybe Eilish is bringing a swimming pool with her? That can’t be cheap either. For fans, it definitely won’t be cheap. They face massive costs travelling to Australia to see Eilish. Add flights and accommodation to concert ticket prices and you’re facing $1000+ for the privilege, when her last series of Spark Arena shows cost just $200.

I guess I’ll go break the bad news to my daughter. After Swift and Rodrigo’s no-shows, she’s starting to hate me. Wish me luck…

Everything you need to know…

• Remember the time Chris Isaak performed in a West Auckland mall? Some do, and a RNZ reporter went out of his way to cover this 1997 occasion. “There's housewives, little kids crying … and some retirees,” one attendee remembers.

• This is sad: Teremoana Rapley, the former Upper Hutt Posse member who’d just received the Independent Spirit Award, has confirmed she has inoperable brain cancer. “I might not be here in the next six months,” she tells The Post ($).

• As my report on Chris Stapleton tickets showed, country stars are doing big numbers here, and that means scammers are targeting fans. One has been caught out twice. “Stupidly, I transferred the person $600 for the tickets,” she tells Stuff.

• Vera Ellen won the Taite Music Prize last week, but I wanted to shout out the out-the-box thinking judges had in awarding the journalism prize to Cushla Dillon and Andrew Moore, the creators of a documentary about the anarchic band King Loser. “It took us seven years to make this film .. there were lots of ups and downs,” they tell RNZ. Great film! You can watch it on AroVision.

• I remain completely and utterly obsessed with the Las Vegas Sphere and won’t rest until I attend a show there. This Atlantic story on the current Phish residency proves it is something to behold. “What if the Earth had a moon that was made entirely of screens? And what if we took a spaceship there and grooved on it?”

• Finally, remember Cults? The New York duo came out with a debut album in 2010, a spooky, surreal, 60s-pop indebted album that sounded like it could soundtrack a romantic comedy or a horror film. They’re back with a new song, ‘Crybaby’ and I dig it. It’s probably a great warm-up for Billie Eilish’s new album…

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